It's really tough not writing in real time. I know I am far behind, I will do my best to catch up as soon as possible. For example, I wrote a partial draft of Rice Diaries:Day 1 and then lost my draft and some of my notes for that day, so I had to try to remember what I had done, which is really hard when it's that far back.
The night of Rice Diaries: Day 2, I had another crazy dream, but when I read my notes it means nothing to me. I have no memory of this dream at this point, but my notes say I was in an improvised horror film called PoPozao (like the Kevin Federline song) with Alex Ho and Kelly Hagen. Then, Frank Gullihur showed up and I was in some deleted scenes from Dick Hopper, Private Eye (which I think is on Amazon now even though it was on Hulu at one point.) I know that dream is really unintelligible, especially since I can't remember it, but if it gets one person to listen to PoPozao it's totally worth it.
I feel like complete crap. The lack of sleep, depression, cold, and diet of rice of pears is already doing a number on me and I'm only on day 2. I am really really scared of this upcoming week and a half.
I eat a pear breakfast.
As I get on my e-bike and the handle bars get twisted. I now have to hold my handle bars slightly to the right if I want my bike to drive straight. I also accidentally left my water bottle at home, which means I won't be able to drink water in class today.
During my first class, I smelt something burning. I asked the class (who were 11 year olds) if they could smell anything and they all said no. This terrified the crap out of me.
Literally. After class, I snuck back into the children's bathroom to steal my toilet paper. When I shat, it smelt like my shit was burning. Were my insides what I smelt during class?
During my break, it seems like my wifi on my phone no longer works if I have my VPN on in the office. I now must eat up data every time I go on instagram or watch between two ferns on my phone at work.
I have also noticed that both Peter and Josie have stopped coming into the office at all. Josie almost always sits at the front desk now. I am constantly alone in the office, which is kind of fine because I don't really like them much either, but also is incredibly lonely.
Over the course of the day, I eat about 15 wedding candies. They are nothing special, but I can put them in my mouth and that almost feels like eating.
Before one class, Cherry found a copy of "No, David" and found the page where his butt was showing. She ran around the school showing everyone she could find, pointing and laughing. I remember doing the same thing when I was her age.
I have to continually change up my high fives to keep the kids entertained. They now often press buttons on my hand and I go beep boop or they grab my hand and shake my head and go bwalah bwalah bwalah. I could definitely kill doing standup for kids.
Right before lunch, Sakey came up to me a told me her class was cancelled. She joked, "It's your lucky day." Sakey doesn't know, her class is by far my favorite. There are only five kids, who are all crazy, but also really funny. And Sakey is so cute. I can sometimes watch her text on her phone in the corner of the room, and that usually brings a little smile to my face.
For lunch, I go home, eat my leftover fried rice, and watch some Big Mouth (this season is not as good. I miss the shame wizard.)
Because I have been so sick and it has been so cold, I have been drinking hot water all the time instead of cold water. This makes me feel so Chinese. Today, I spilled some hot water on my foot while I was filling up my water bottle and it hurt like a mother fucker.
I stole more toilet paper from the kids bathroom and shat in the teacher's office again. It was little balls of pure poison.
During my break, the boss lady came into the office and tried to get me to go dance with the kids. I told her if she want's me to dance with the kids, it needs to be put on my schedule. I can't just hope up and dance every time those fucking warm up songs start up, I need my breaks. I don't think boss lady understood me. But she really has to stop grabbing my arm.
Somehow, even though I just paid my phone bill, my phone is completely out of 4g again. I think the VPN maybe uses it up really fast. I can't get more 4g even if I want to for now.
I walk past the children's bathroom and notice a recognizable shit smell coming through the air. It smells like the shits I just had in the teacher's lounge. Why do my shits and these kids shits smell the same? Is there something in the water? Or do I just have Chinese bowels now?
When riding my bike home, I listen to see if I can hear any other bikes beep. I can't, it seems like mine is the only one that does.
Today I make rice with mushrooms, eggs, soy sauce, and oyster sauce. I am now out of mushrooms and eggs.
That night, I video chat with my parents again. The connection breaks up every three minutes which starts to drive me batshit insane pretty quickly, though it doesn't seem to bother my parents much. My mother tells me I should quit my job and come home, which sucks to hear because I partially didn't choose to go to Bali because of my conversation with her. It wasn't her fault, I make my own decisions, but it just feels like now that I didn't go to Bali I have to stick this out, otherwise I'm a failure. I can't be a failure. I have to beat this shit. I can't loose. Plus, I'm already in so much debt, I really need the money.
I complain to my parents about my life a lot. Like a lot a lot. And they mostly just listen. I feel bad but I don't get to complain out loud that often and that seems the majority of what I have to say are currently complaints. I'm sure it's hellish for them to hear me like this, but I can't stop myself. My dad offers to buy me an iTunes gift card or to send me a flash drive with music on it so I don't have to use my VPN so much. I try to politely decline because I hate accepting gifts when I'm so poor, but agree to the flash drive because music on my phone would be nice. Music cheers me up so often.
I binge watching Big Mouth. It's too hard to blog. I'm dreading writing about Bali. I'm starting to accept my decision, but it still stings and I don't look forward to reliving it. But I've started a blog and now I have a responsibility to my loyal readers. I must keep writing.