Sorry for the hiatus. Life has been crazy, I'll catch you up eventually. Let's get back to these Rice Diaries.
I didn't have any crazy dreams last night, but I still slept like shit. I really haven't been sleeping well. I've started doing Yoga Nidra at night to help me fall asleep. If only there was some sort of Yoga meditation that made you stay asleep, that would be great.
My VPN was acting super bad for along part of today. I was unable to blog or watch TV. I ended up watching many 1 minute clips over and over again. I've started watching The Righteous Gemstones. It's kind of mediocre, but its a thing to do. TV is the only thing that makes me forget I'm in China.
It's a real muggy day today. I'm feeling really depressed. It's hard to get up, it's hard to right, it's hard to do anything. I just keep felling sorry for myself. I have a few teacher interviews over the phone, but nothing seems that hopeful. I suck at dealing with all of this, so I cave. I use the money I had transferred the night before from my bank and I buy another pack of cigarettes. My will is weak, I am sad, and I hope it will curb some of my hunger.
At school today, while I'm teaching Sakey's class, I notice Sakey and Jodie are talking into each other and giggling. I don't know why, but I have a strong hunch they are talking about me. I think they can tell I like Sakey. I'm a lot of things, but subtle is not one of them.
When I get hope, I eat more rice, soy sauce, oyster sauce and pepper. Today I run out of soy sauce. I probably should have bought more soy sauce instead of cigarettes. Too late for that now. My VPN is still acting terrible, so I slowly watch some more Righetous Gemstones and then El Camino, which isn't anything special either. I don't go to sleep until 3:00 am. I'm not taking good care of myself. (Sorry Tommy and Mommy. I can't change the past, I can only report on it.)