m50, Jade Buddha, the Yu Garden, and a Ferry

I was still very hungover from my evening with Esther (soiree, fuckfest,etc.) when I got off the train and started a long trek through some pretty random looking, empty streets. I was headed for the m50 art center, which is supposedly the hip and happening area for young visual artists in Shanghai. After my experience at the Shanghai MOCA, I realized maybe I was more of a fan of modern art then regular museums and thought this could be a good experience. After walking past multiple empty malls and empty construction sites, I came to a little area that had about 20 art galleries, 19 of which were closed.

The open exhibit was called Open Codes, Connected Bots. I have a map and the names of all the pieces, but I honestly can't remember half of them. All of the pieces were about how modern technology affects the world we live in. One piece was a mirror, then a video camera that projects your reflection and then other cameras that project your reflection as 0's and 1's or social media logos. There was a computer with foam coming out of the top, there were two chat bots in an endless loop of conversation, there was a computer where you could create your own pictographs. It all seemed pretty esoteric and meaningless to me. There was a computer that took bits from three news updates to get poems, which I watched for a little while but I can't remember any of them, though some were funny. There was a recreation of the racist, twitter AI that was created a few years back that had a horrible monster as an avatar. My favorite piece was a painting that looked like a combination between a modern, techy, google-esque workplace mixed with a prison cell. I didn't stay long. At the end of the exhibit was a survey that I filled out saying what I liked and disliked about the exhibit. I was probably too nice on it, but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I had a hunch most of the artists were my age, and no one my age is good at their art yet (just look at this blog). I don't know if the other exhibits were better and the worst one is the only one that needed to be open on the holidays or if m50 art center is just kind of shit but it did remind me why everyone (including me) hates modern art. It's usually not good.

I spent the next thirty minutes shitting my brains out in a nearby public restroom. Everything about it was as disgusting and you would expect it to me. Being hungover and squat shitting was difficult, they really should have handle bars or something for people with weak legs.

Even though I was sort of over historical landmarks, I saw that the Temple of the Jade Buddha was only a 15 minute walk away and I was near nothing else. So I took another long walk through some desolate, empty streets. The Jade Buddha was cash only, and I didn't have any cash on me. So I turned around and walked away. It didn't bum me out though, because I didn't really expect anything in the first place. I like my newfound pessimist attitude, the constant little heartbreaks was getting exhausting. I was weeping as I left, but not because I couldn't get into the museum. I started listening to some Abba and that shit cuts deep. (SOS gets me every time, that song is so good. If you haven't seen Mama Mia 2, check out Pierce Brosnan's spoken word SOS. It's an absolute scream. Anything Abba is so good though. Name of the Game, AHHH! I love Abba.)

I know I have stated that all Chines gardens look the same, but everything online said that the Yu Garden in Shanghai is one of the best and I feel like I like gardens even though I'm always disappointed (I went to the Huntington Gardens with Rob before I left and we both were going apeshit the whole time.)

Near the Yu Garden

As I got closer, the streets started getting crazy crowded. Again, the police showed up and started closing down areas. I walked through this really interestingly designed tourist area filled with little restaurants and souvenir shops. I couldn't for the life of me find the entrance to the garden. I spent almost an hour walking around trying to find away in, but I found nothing. So I decided to walk over and take a ferry ride down the Bund instead. I think maybe they closed the garden for the holiday too. Man I really picked the wrong time to go to Shanghai. (I also really wanted to see Shanghai World, which is supposed to be China's top Acrobatic act, but they were off the whole week for the holiday.)

The Yu Garden has to be somewhere!

I headed to the Bund through this cute little park and was instantly approached by an old woman who grabbed on to my shirt and started yelling at me in Chinese.

"I'm sorry, I don't speak Chinese."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she began to repeat.

She pulled out one Yuan coin in front of me. I assumed at this point she was begging and not trying to mug me, so my fear dissipated.

"I'm sorry, I have no money."

The woman seemed very upset as I walked away, but there was nothing I could do about it. I walked up to a little stand and bought what I thought would be some sort of ice cream drink but turned out to be more of a liquid yogurt you drink with a straw. I say liquid yogurt, but once I had drunk about three thirds of it there seemed to be mostly curds at the bottom of my bottle.

Yogurt was a bad choice

The ferry at the Bund were also closed. I was exhausted at this point and decided to head back towards my hotel room to take a nap. The gods were against me today, everything was closed. My body hurt. I needed sleep more than I needed continual rejection. As I walked back, I stopped in a fancy ice cream shop and got a very overpriced scoop of strawberry ice cream. It was the best. From my trip so far, I've realized I love fruit ice cream, music you can dance too, and beer. It seems like those three things are the only constantly safe bets.

Instead of going back to my hotel, I was struck by inspiration. I went online, found a nearby well reviewed Chinese Masseuse, and headed over. When I entered, the man at the front desk asked if I wanted a male or female masseuse. I said I didn't care and ordered a 30 minute foot massage/hour long back massage (I really didn't care, but it seems weird to request the opposite gender. Why would you want to sexualize a massage? Maybe some men are uncomfortable being touched by men but then again you are sexualizing a massage. Don't sexualize massages!) I was given a cup of tea and a ginger candy and asked to sit in a chair nearby. An incredibly wall-eyed male masseuse approached me with a hot bucket of water and placed it in front of me. I again was reminded of my problems claiming to be a so called progressive. I have nothing against the wall-eyed, but I don't know when they are looking at me so it's hard to tell if they are talking to me, especially when they are speaking in Chinese. I also didn't want to stare, but didn't want to avoid eye contact either (even though true eye contact seemed impossible.) I didn't want to cause any problems, I was sure his eyes wouldn't affect his massaging ability, so I rolled up my jeans and put my feet in the water. My jeans instantly unrolled and got very wet. Wally (I'm sorry, I can't keep typing wall-eyed masseuse. I guess I could just call him masseuse but Wally seems better) instantly hopped up, threw my feet out of the bucket and ran away. I sat alone, puzzled for a few minutes, before Wally came back with a pair of what looked like scrub slacks and gestured towards a changing room (never mind, I'm switching back to my masseuse.)

After stuffing my jeans into my backpack and putting on these awful pants, I cam back out to the sitting area. My masseuse (Wally) had gotten a new bucket of hot water for me, but I guess it was too hot because he had me sit on a stool and gave me a neck and back massage for about five minutes before he dipped my feet back in the water (I guess my jeans had tainted the first bucket.) The foot massaged was very long and painful, but in a sort of good way. He really rubbed every inch of my feet. He even took out a little hammer at one point and started banging away on them. After what seemed like an hour, Wally stopped attacking my feet and gestured upstairs.

I walked upstairs and was lead into a room where another man was getting a massage from someone else. There was a second table, which I was told to lie down on face down. I waited there for about 5 minutes before anyone arrived and listened to the man beside me grunt the whole time. When I finally began getting my massage, I had no idea if I had the same masseuse who I had before or if I now had a new masseuse. Either way, the massage was quite painful yet again. I don't know if I'm just tense or delicate, but it was quite difficult nut to grunt throughout it. I tried to keep them in, so as not to disturb the other mans massage. Despite being incredibly painful, I must have either fallen asleep or passed out at some point because I suddenly awoke to hearing my phone buzz in my backpack. Whoever was massaging me was now hammering away at my back. They then started working on my neck, which was incredibly painful. They then massaged my butt, which actually felt amazing and not sexual in the least, thank god. I was then asked to flip over. My masseuse was still Wally. He massaged my forehead (which was incredibly tense,) my arms, my chest, and my legs. He did not offer me a happy ending, which I was a little disappointed in. I quite liked Wally by this point. But my massage was over now, no point in belaboring anything. I paid and headed back out to the city.

My next destination was the Shanghai Tower. I had failed to get in on my first two attempts, but tonight was going to be the night. I wanted to get a little scared and this seemed just the way to do it. As I got in line, I was again told the line would be two hours, but I was willing to wait. I had nothing else I wanted to do. I checked my messages and saw that Esther had texted me to ask how the Shanghai Tower was (I had told her I wanted to go the night before.) I told her I was in line and then messaged Melody again to tell her I was in line too. Melody never responded.

The wait ended up being three hours. In line, I watched two free documentaries on YouTube: Free to Play, a documentary about a Dota 2 competition where the prize was a million dollars, and With Great Power, a documentary about Stan Lee. Neither were that good, but they were both free, on YouTube, and not completely boring.

The view was sort of cool and you could walk around and see for ever in any direction, but it really wasn't scary at all. It was also packed. I was able to see the 70th anniversary light show from inside, but the majority of the lights were coming from the building I was standing in so it was not as cool as seeing it from down at the Bund. I only stayed for about 25 minutes, before having to wait inline for another 30 minutes just to get out of the building.

I got a little lost looking for it, but after dinner I went to the Shanghai World Trade Center Mall to try what many to consider to be the best dumplings in Shanghai, Din Tai Fun (I later found out there are locations in Los Angeles from Luke Kanter's instagram stories.) The store was about to close so I was told I had to make my final orders now. I ordered a watermelon juice, some spicy shrimp buns, some pork and chive dumpling, and some truffle soup dumplings. After ordering, the waiter immediately came back to tell me they were out of buns so I switched to spicy shrimp dumplings. First came the watermelon juice and the spicy shrimp dumplings, both of which were very good.

Spicy Shrimp Dumplings

Then the pork and chive dumplings, which were better than the watermelon juice but not as good as the spicy shrimp dumplings. These I dipped in vinegar, which is also a very good and underused condiment in the united states.

I speak chive

Last but not least, there were the truffle soup dumplings. These were seriously out of this world amazing. Sometimes you eat a food so good you start to dance a little in your seat. This was one of those times for me. It was one of the most expensive things on the menu so it damn well better have been good, but it was so worth 120 RMB (about 17 dollars) I paid for them. This is something I will have to eat again when I get back home.

Next time I come, I'm only ordering soup dumplings

I thought about grabbing a drink or trying to go see something else, but I decided to end my night on a high point. I had a good meal and I was exhausted. Maybe I could even work on my blog a little, I haven't even touched it really since I got here. When I got back to my room though, I was too tired. Sometimes you just need to sleep and that's okay.