When I woke up this morning, it was 6:00 am and all of my sheets were wrapped around me like a ball. I think my mattress is bigger than my sheets. Or I just made my bed poorly. Either way, I was exhausted and couldn't fall back asleep. I didn't think this was possible, but I think the rings under my eyes are expanding.
People honk their scooter horns here with reckless abandon. Even though the sidewalk is huge and scooters should probably drive on the street, people will drive right up behind you and blast on the horn so you get out of there way. Even at 7:45 in the morning. I'm really not sure how much more of this I can take. I'm cracking.
During the annoying warm-up songs I have to sing multiple times everyday, I can barely hop on one foot.
When I check my WeChat, my mom is a super champ. She doesn't give me a hard time about the money and is willing to help get the authentication so we can finalize my residency here. I still feel super guilty, but much less so. It's a brief moment of relief.
Speaking of relief, during my first class I start feeling a rumbling in my belly. Now that I'm blogging, it always seems like the next events in my life are obvious, and there are clues that show things have to happen a certain way. Obvious foreshadowing that I am completely oblivious too until I'm in the shit (no pun intended.) I know what I have to do, but I also know there is no toilet paper in the teachers bathroom, so I enter the students bathroom. There is no toilet paper there either, but there are some paper towels. This will have to make do (as I make doo doo.)
During my next class, a kid loses it and starts slamming his book on the floor while screaming. I feel you kid. There's something in the air.
I feel like my immune system is slowly disintegrating. All of these kids are disgusting and are constantly coughing on me and putting their hands on me. The combination of lack of food, lack of sleep, child germs, and constant misery is making my vision hazy. I think I'm descending into insanity.
In my next class, a student gets a bloody nose so I send him to the bathroom. Afterwards, another kid comes up to me and talks to me in Chinese. I tell him I don't understand him and ask him to sit back down. Next thing I know, his mother bursts the door open and starts screaming at me. Then she starts screaming at the kid next to him, who starts crying. Apparently the kid she is screaming at hit her son and she saw it on the security cameras in the front room. I didn't notice because I was dealing with a kid with a bloody nose and DON'T. FUCKING. SPEAK. CHINESE! No matter, I can a stern talking to from my bosses and making sure the kids don't fight. I was also promised a T.A. when I signed up for this job, but I guess that's hardly worth bringing up when I'm not even teaching the right subject.
The only thing I like about being here in China is that you can burp and fart in public and no one bats an I. I still haven't heard anyone else fart, but I've started doing it all the time in crowded rooms and no one says anything. It's very hard for me not to laugh or smile when I do this, and it gives me immense pleasure. I'm sure everyone else hates it, but these are there rules.
My next class only has two boys in it and they are reviewing for a test. These boys know all their English words (arm, hand, leg, etc.) so it's a pretty boring class. I take a seat and start to feel my head swimming. I can't tell if I'm falling asleep or going to faint, but I just keep pushing. I feel loopy. I can't tell if they boys notice if anything is wrong.
As I'm walking to my next class, the boss lady grabs me by the arm and tells me to dance with the kids. I try to explain that I have another class, but she forces me to dance. This boss lady loves to watch me dance and always has someone film me. She also loves to touch me. I really want to ask her to stop touching me, but it my experience as a boy who is sexually harassed by women, if you ask them to stop they can become mean. And the mean seems worse than the getting touched. I really hate getting touched though.
After the dance is done, the boss lady grabs me by the arm, traces my non-existent muscles with her fingernail and tells me to go into another class that's not on my schedule. I try to explain that I'm supposed to be in Laura's class now, not Peter's, because I have to head over to the other campus to teach my last two classes of the day. Creepy boss lady tells me those classes are cancelled. I ask if she is sure and she says yes.
While teaching Peter's class, I begin to fantasize about my extra hour off, I can meditate for a bit, take a nice shower, and relax before going on my date with Anne. But, fucking duh duh duh, as soon as I finish Peter's class and head into Laura's room, Josie runs up asking why I haven't left for the other campus. I tell her that her boss said it was cancelled and she says that her boss was wrong and sends me to campus to teach to more classes.
I am barely functioning when I enter Sakhi's class. I have a big crush on Sakhi, she is super hot. She is the only person who never wears her uniform like everyone else, today she is wearing black jeans cut off at the booty. And she has big glasses. But, you know, don't flirt with teachers. Anyway, in her class, the five 4 year olds are out of their minds. They won't stop running around and just keep hugging me and Sakhi while I try to teach them the word apple. Sakhi thinks this is all very funny and gets someone to take a picture with us. During the photo, she stand's very close to me and my heart skips a beat.
After work, I ask Sakhi to help me get a cab home. She has no idea where I live, but I tell her I am close to the other campus so she sends me there. As we walk down stairs, one of the kids continues to hug her. Fuck, this is her kid, isn't it? All these teachers look so young but are married and have kids and don't wear wedding rings. As we walk outside, this kid runs off and I notice Sakhi get into a cab alone. So maybe she is single? It doesn't matter anyway, I can't flirt with teachers.
I hop in my cab, get dropped off at the first school, and then run home. I don't have time to shower, so I just put on some deodorant, change my clothes, brush my teeth, and head out the door. I don't know the address to the mall, so I have to walk there. Paranoid I'm going to be late, I increase the speed of my gait. Finally, a little fun.
Remember how I said that everything I do has constant foreshadowing? I should probably mention my text messages with Anne. I asked if she wanted to go out Saturday and she said she was busy. Assuming she was just blowing me off (as she turned me down last week too), I said okay well I'm going to stop asking you out now, but if you want to hang out sometime, let me know. She said how about Thursday? I said I work until 8 on Thursday but I could do after 8 or could do Sunday. She said never mind, I read my schedule wrong Saturday is fine. I said 6:30? She said 6. I should have realized exactly what the date was going to be from these texts, but I never do. So I am running just a little bit to make sure I get there on time.
We are meeting at the coffee shop where we first meet. When I get there, she has a new friend with her. She introduces me to her friend (I have no idea what her friends name was) and starts by talking about how cute her friend is. I ask her if she want's anything to drink and she says no, lets go downstairs and get some food.
We walk downstairs and show up at the restaurant. Anne says we can't order yet because we are waiting for more of her friends to show up. "More friends?" I ask. She tells me they can become my friends too. I tell her I'm going to need a cup of coffee so we go upstairs and grab one.
I'm such an idiot. Why don't I go home right there and then? Is it manners? Hormones? Stupidity? I don't know. Maybe I've just lost my mind.
We wait for her friends and then finally order. Anne and my conversation is very stilted, we have to use the translator app the whole time. She orders me the spiciest soup on the menu and then is shocked I eat it. I don't know if she was trying to fuck with me or something, but she really didn't expect me to like spicy food even though she ordered me spicy food. She then starts showing me messages on her translator app that say she is a trouble maker and that she likes to get up to no good. Thinking this is a come on, I ask if she wants to come back to my apartment. She tells me she can't because she has work at 7:30. I look at my phone. It's 7:05. It's only been an hour. Then some dude shows up and Anne gets up and says she has to go now. She asks what I am up to for the rest of the night and I tell her I don't know. She says I should go home. I nod. She then adds because there is nothing to do at night in Gaochun. I nod again. She then adds go home and watch tv. I nod. She adds that tv is the best. I nod one more time. Then she leaves. I finish my coffee and then start my walk home.
I could really go for a cigarette. I could go for a drink even more. But I don't want a hangover or to be addicted to anything, so I just opt for my blog. The whole walk home, I think about how I've been trying to be optimistic and not let shit get me down. I'm trying to be smart and keep an open mind and improve my life, but it seems like no matter where I look or what I do, I'm getting kicked in the nuts over and over again.
When I get home to work on my blog, I check my email first. I have an email from my lawyer, it looks like the police report on my accident with the fire truck has finally come in. The fire department and the police are claiming the whole thing was my fault and claim they have video footage proving it was my fault. I read the report over and over again, I can't believe my eyes.
Outside, it starts raining for the first time since I got here.
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